I wrote this this afternoon, It is obviously fiction, and yet to be refined, but I anted to post this on Easter.
I cannot begin to describe the journey after my eyes closed that last time. I remember only that it seemed an eternity, something I little understood then. I guess it must have been so short that I had no time to glimpse the tunnel with the light at the end. I know only that I was there.
Until you see it for yourself you cannot comprehend the wonder and awe of seeing the immortal, all glorious God face to face. I wanted to worship and kneel before him, but I could stand there only, simply, with my hands at my sides and an expressionless face.
The air around us, if air it could be called, was tense, and I could tell that something terrible was about to happen. The Almighty God sat on His throne, King of all His creation, and He was sad. His eyes looked at me and they pierced to my soul. They were full of love and compassion I had always heard of and had come to know, but mixed with those sweet emotions was the anger and wrath of an Infinite Being who had been betrayed and hurt by a servant whom he loved dearly.
He brought out the great book of my life, a record of all the charges that were to be brought before me in this great, eternal courtroom. I guessed that perhaps that this was to be merely a reading, a tribute to all that He could forgive. I looked up to the face of God, and could not meet his gaze. How could I look Him in the eye and declare that this was irrelevant because I was forgiven by His Son. The book was heavy and the list of my misdeeds long. Every thought, every deed, every feeling was there.
The book was opened and it was read. I soon realized that this was no mere account of my life, this was a trial, my trial, my final accounting before God. As charge after charge was laid on me, my lusts, my greed, my pride, I wondered: “Where was the Son who had died that there might be forgiveness for all this.” But the accusations were read, on and on. The burden grew on my heart and I realized just how many of them there were, and even the smallest of these was like a burning coal thrown into my soul until it burned from what filled it and overflowed, and piled around it. “Where, oh where is the Savior for all this.” I cried. “Where is the one who makes intercession for me as promised.”
The reading continued and I fell to my knees and wept. I cried for my iniquities, which I knew nothing but the blood of The Son could cover over. The reading ended and there was silence in that great hall but for my agony.
All the faces of the heavenly bodies turned and I lifted my face from the floor and beheld the Son. He had been there, unnoticed since the beginning of the reading and now, he came forward. He declared to all that these charges were unfounded and that it was not I who had committed them.
My heart overflowed with gratitude. I had given my life over to Him in the trust that He would do this, and He had. I wanted to sing my praise and love of Christ so that all could hear, but I was stopped.
Jesus was looking at me with a sad smile. He could see into my soul and saw the joy there, but His eyes were full of tears.
“It was I.” He declared to the Father. “I was the one who was proud. I lusted. I was the selfish one, and the one who was violent. There is no fault in him who is before you.” He bowed His head like a criminal who is pleading guilty to a charge against him, and a shining droplet fell from His face and splashed onto His feet. I could think nothing, form no words in my mouth. A dread gew on me; what was he doing? Why was he saying this? Hs blood had covered over all sin and removed it, “as far as the East is from the West”, the scrptures said.
An angel came forward bearing the great book of the Law of God. It was open and the flaming letters therin burned my eyes, as the demands of holiiness shone out from the pages. In a voice free of emotion and expression the voice of the great angel intoned, “The Law finds that He is guilty of sin.”
The dread and fear in my heart grew and became anguish and suffering as a great cloud of witnesses appeared and one by one pointed at The Christ and said “I am witness that He is guilty.”
One after another they came, each saying the same thing. I saw that perfect One, who loved me over His Own life, taking on Himself the weight of these charges. I called out in anguish “Stop!, It was I, you cannot say that!” But the witness continued to come and make their proclamations for all to hear. My soul was weighted more than ever before as now those burning coals of my sin were transferred to the immaculate Son of God. I knew that from this new trial, there could be no happy ending.
“Why?” I sobbed. “Your blood was supposed to accomplish the forgiveness of my sins! Where is that forgiveness now?”
“The eyes of the Son turned on me again and He said simply, “Forgiveness was never promised only Justification.”
The last witness filed past and I could not lift my head again to look at the Halls of Heaven, which I now could enjoy while Jesus carried my blemishes.
God then declared “Enough, this man is Justified, he is found guilty of no fault. Another must now be condemned for His sins against me, and the wrongs He has done.”
I knew he meant my Wonderful Jesus and my hearted ached and my soul cried out for mercy, but it received its answer: there is no mercy for sin.
The declaration of Righteous Justness came from the mouth of God then. “The only punishment that will pay justly for such crimes is death. Since this Man is found guilty, the sentence must be carried out.”
Jesus again stepped forward towards the Father, and for the first time I saw the wounds. I had long dreamed of Heaven and seeing these for myself, and seeing truly how much He had suffered for me, but not like this. How could I bear to see them like this, but I looked and as I saw them, they looked fresh, as if only a few minutes old. For the first time, I noticed the trail of blood that Jesus’ feet left as he walked, and the blood that seeped through the side of His robe. He held out His hands to His Father and showed him the marks of the nails, still dripping those crimsondrops, each more precious to me now than all the treasures of Earth had been.
“The punishment has already been carried out.” God declared. “No further pain or death needs be suffered.”
And then my heart was truly free from all burden,as I saw that now there was no sin left that could not be paid for by the death of my Christ.
Later as I sat on the lap of my Savior, I asked Him what had happened. “Why was there no forgiveness why did you still have to take my sins onto Your shoulders?” I will carry his answer for all the eternity that I now understand.
“Forgiveness was never promised, only Justification. You were not declared forgiven, you were declared ‘not guilty’. You were blameless before God, because I took all your faults on myself, because I was the only one who could ever die and erase that condemnation. Someone must die for every sin committed. You gave that burden to Me, and I took it willingly. That is how much I loved you. God cannot forgive sin, - it is against His nature - but you were Justified.”