People I Find Hard to Love (Part 3?)

On my last post part of Jeanz response said this: "...then there are the ones who act one way toward a certain person for a day and then turn around and act very different(viciously so) the next. Sometimes this is through provocation(in some cases then, it is justified), but when it isn't, it can be very straining on their "victom"... But how do I (or you) deal with those kind of people?..."

This is another one of those types that I have had trouble with myself actually, but I did not mention it because for me it is resolved, or we are just going through a particularly long period where the dislike and attitude are suppressed. I think in my response to this, I will use an example and share about the experience.

Most of you probably know that I am a cheerleader here at college (yes, I am male). Well, on the squad is a girl who is very much a cheerleader. I mean in the way she talks, acts, hangs out with people, etc... I have no problem with this person really, but for some reason this person took a very intense dislike to me immediately after tryouts. I noticed that she disliked me pretty quickly, since she is not the type to hide feelings and live on. Of course seeing as the person is one of the reasons life on the cheer squad has been difficult and trying for me, I didn't hang out with her off the floor.

Then stuff happened and we were kinda forced to bond as a team, and suddenly any feelings of dislike towards me were gone and we were "friends." That lasted for maybe a month to a month and a half, during which time I tried to take and interest in her as a person, not just someone I was forced to work with, and she seemed to respond pretty well. Then something (I have no clue what) happened and suddenly we were worse off than ever before. I used the term "one way hate street" to describe it. And then suddenly things changed again, and we were working together. We weren't friends, but I was able to be friendly without here snapping back, or trying to undermine my place on the team. That's basically where we are right now.

Now, as to how I deal with it. How did I deal with it? I started by ignoring anything hurtful that they did or said and concentrated on "living above reproach"; making sure that I did nothing that would provoke. This didn't mean doing whatever they wanted to stay in their good graces, just fulfilling the expectations laid down by the coach as best I could and trying to cooperate when reasonable. I also avoided the person whenever I did not need to be around them. Kind of difficult sometimes with frequent practices, but I managed pretty well. I don't know if this is a good idea, because if the person gets the idea that you really don't like them for some reason, then they may tend to respond worse than they have been. I don't know if trying to talk to them and be friends with them was a good idea, considering the touchiness of the person. We were friendly for a bit, so I thought it might help, but I don't know if it would have continued if I had just left well enough alone, or if talking to them made things turn around. I just don't know on that one.

I do know that prayer has been absolutely necessary for my continued sanity over the last year as I deal with this person and all the other types. If you are dealing with a person like this, here's what I would say:

1)Be nice, and don't provoke, but avoid being a "suck up" at all costs. Don't let them control you and your emotions.
2)Pray for them and their attitude.
3) If 1 and 2 fail (prayer never fails though, and should be continued every day whether it seems to be working or not), maybe speak to them and ask them why they are treating you like this. I hate confrontation so this one would be really hard for me to do, and I never got to this point. I figured I could just deal with it for as long as I had to rather than risk making things worse.
4)If it is a friend that is being attacked, come alongside them and encourage them. If they are being put down by the attacker, then tell them the truth about how they are doing. Malicious attacks like I have experienced are usually lies, and even if we know it, it is helpful for others to tell us we are doing well. THANKS JENNA and STEPH!!!
5)Find characteristics in the person that are good. My cheerleader can inspire the team to do better and work to potential, and is amazing at doing her job on the team. She is able to help us all do our jobs better when she takes the time to tell us how to do it right and not just telling people they are no good. It is easier to love someone when you can look at the good in them and realize that they are a brother or sister, made in the image of God and that God put them there for a reason. Maybe some of the attitude could be something happening in their own lives and they really need a friend, or encouragement. Sometimes people who are snappy or hurtful are that way because they are going through a really tough time and need to make themselves feel better by putting others down.


That's what I got. I don't know how sound it is, but that's what I've been going through right now with these kind of people. Thanks everyone for your input and comments!

People I Find Hard to Love (Part 2)

I guess this part is where I really am guilty and need to work.


Stupid People: No, not your definiton of stupid. I don't mean the people who are not smart or who just don't know a lot. I mean the people who have working minds just like anyone else, and refuse to use them, because they have either been trained not to, or are too lazy to bother. This is a rather broad spectrum, but I know I need to be more forgiving and just run with it. But they just plain annoy me. My dad refers to these people (not the same people as I think of, but this type) as Ignorant.

These are the people (mostly girls, but boyfriend/girlfriend will do it too) who will link arms across a sidewalk when it is snowing out and refuse to break their little chain when there are people walking in the opposite direction on the same sidewalk. I really don't mind when it is dry out and I can just step onto the grass, but when I have to walk in 6 inches of snow, just so they can hang on eachother.....
These are also the people who decide that the place to have lengthy conversations is in the only doorway into a room.
Stupid people seem to have a sense of entitlement too. If an area is your expertise, they EXPECT you to check their homework for them and even answer some of the questions for them. I don't mind doing it if someone needs help, but I will not assist them in cheating or check work that they were too lazy to even try at. If they won't work for it, they don't deserve the grade.

These people are also characterized by their dining hall ettiquette.
Chronologically: After chapel during the lunch rush, when the line to swipe the ID cards is 100ft out the main entrance, these people will go around to the other side of the building, go in upstairs, come down the steps and end up right in front of the scanner, where it is considered proper manners to let them cut, (unspoken rules, because the upper floors are a girls dorm). So while you are shivering out in the cold, these people who showed late (probably because of one of their lengthy doorway conversations) zip themselves right to the front of the line. (This is not so much stupid as just plain rude)
After scanning in, they will wander arond the dining hall for an extensive period of time, just kinda drifting from side to side, and making anybody who would like to pass them move around. When they have finally decided what they want, they will get in a line, then gradually try to move up as far as they can before finally getting to the food. It works especially well if they know you, because they will stand next to you and make a few pleasant remarks, then move up to the next sucker in line.
Now the rows of tables and chairs in the dining hall are rather close together, so it is rather important to be careful not to charge down the aisles and barrel into anyone, yet this is exactly what these people do. You may be halfway down a bottleneck with a full bowl of cereal, and here they come charging through the opposite end, not even trying to turn sideways as the pass, because after all that is your job.
After another lengthy conversation while blocking the dish conveyor their dining hall experience is over.

So that is the end of my rant. And I really feel bad about all this. I know that my descriptions in the first part were justification for treating people differently, it is no excuse for not loving them how Christ would love them.

I really want to be able to see everyone and love them without knowing anything about them, whether they are rich or poor, but too often I only think about loving the poor and needy and not about those people that I see every day who combine their various attributes to make sure I am praying for patience regualarly. A new Christian I was speaking with here said to me: "I have only been a believer for a short time, but if we are not all about loving people like He would, not matter what they do, then I think I've really misunderstood what this is all about." That was what started me thinking about all these things, especially since professing believers that I know fall into all of these categories. Even if I am not commanded to love the world, the Bible clearly states that "He who loves God but hates his brother is a liar and the truth is not in him."

Who annoys or makes you the most miserable? I think we need to pray for a changed heart for them, and clear perception and patience for ourselves.

People I Find Hard to Love (Part 1)

I originally was going to entitle this post "People I Dislike," but changed my mind and decided to alter it to match my calling as a Christian and call it "People I Find Hard to Love." Originally this was also going to be one post, but it got very long, so I will do it in parts and finish it later, while I think more

I am not going to mention names or even specific cases in this post, just groups and types of people and I ask that if you read anywhere past here that you read to the end or the "parts," because you will probably have a pretty poor opinion of me from just reading the first half.

Its been a while since my last post, partly because of these people. They are the people that make my life miserable. Whether they should or not I will get to later, but here are a few groups that make life right now just tolerable.

Extreme Extroverts: I like extroverts. Many of my friends are extroverted and I love them. Some of them help me communicate better, others fill in the gaps where I really don't want to talk. Extroverts are great brainstormers for projects, and contribute a lot to small group discussions. I am talking about a different kind of extrovert however. Nearly all extroverts have a small piece of themselves that is introverted. On a scale of 1-10 they may be a 9. These people that I have trouble with are the ones who are a solid 10.
This really isn't a problem, except when you are alone with them, or in a group with them, or around them in any non-class setting. They hate silence. It is if they are incapable of existing in an environment free of talk. They will go out of their way to make conversation with anyone who will stay in the room or within talking range. ANYONE. People who are watching a movie, people with headphones in. People working on homework. People having a conversation with someone else. They will open closed doors and search for people to find this conversation. Now, I could understand if this was from loneliness, and I would stay and talk if I thought there was a need there for anything but empty meaningless talk. But these people have no discretion in their time choices or topics.
These people just won't quit either. You can drop hints, or say directly that you need to get back to work or that you are going somewhere, but to get them to shut up, you typically have to leave yourself on any minor excuse, even to go to the bathroom or something petty.

The second group of people that I have trouble with is the People Who I Feel I Need to Protect My Friends of the Opposite Gender From. This group is the one I find hardest to love. People who are crass. People who use frequent profanity. People who have a bad reputation for womanizing and flirting. People who are insincere, and especially those with girlfriends who meet all of the above descriptions.
I really don't feel an intense need to protect from these people, but it is always a nagging urge to push them away, to avoid them when I am around my female friends. I over-interpret every gesture and word, and fight the tendency to say bad things about them (but only what is true) to make the girls cautious. It worries me even more when these people tag along with me and my best friend just to be with our female friends. There are several people that do this. It is to the point where I will often avoid my friends to keep this kind of people separate from them. This kills me sometimes to do, but I really don't want them getting hurt, especially when they don't know the history and reality of these other people. This is probably my most legitimate dislike, difficult to love set of people.

The third group are The Pretenders. These are the people That go to a Christian College, but have no idea what it means to be a follower of Christ. These people are able to present themselves as spiritual people in group settings and in discussions, but to someone who actually knows them and observes them, it is obvious that they are Pretenders. These are often the people who seem to be the most secure in their faith, who struggle the least, who are the most knowledgeable about history and stuff, and sometimes up on the latest theological issues. But the desire for God isn't there , and the people who don't look cannot see it. The pretenders fool so many people and it is hard to know sometimes if this is a personal dislike for that person because they fall into one of the other categories, or if this is really something I am seeing as lack of commitment to their Christian walk. Can I trust my own perception enough to challenge them to step up? I don't know, right now I am just frustrated that these people are all around me and no one sees but me. (I conclude that no one but me sees them because I try to behave indifferent towards their spirituality while others praise their supposed growth)

To be continued......

Nothing in particular....

It is late. I am waiting for my laundry to dry so I can put my sheets back on my bed so I can sleep. In the style of the last post: (and out of the lameness of having no time or mental presence to write anything else, even my speech for Friday...)

Loud music across the hall.
Turn it down now.
Keyboard loud tonight.
AJ to the left. Jon straight ahead.
Messy room.
Not mine.
Sheetless bed.
Tired.
Hungry.
Why?
Plenty of snack stuff.
Not right now.
Going to brush teeth.
Check laundry.
Random: Lancers Out!

Why?

So I sit here. I really don't have much to say. There is a paper due Friday, so I'm at the coffee shop and .... not working. Worldview stuff. Helpful, yes, but kinda boring.

KM, KA, and AJ are here and we are just chilling while the K's wait for class to start. Thomas just showed up too.

I really really don't want to start writing. I don't want to read the stuff either.

I am chewing gum.
Phone sitting by my comp.
Aj singing.
Stop.
Crowd walked in.
Coffee smells.
Unfamiliar faces.
Friends!
Dry hands need lotion (not mine)
Party plans.
Profs coming.
Nice view.
Snow.
Winter.
Ick.
I want summer now!